Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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