Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
