I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Randomize
