ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
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