The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
