next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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