my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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