i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
