About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
