the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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