How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
