Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
