Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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