God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I need to sanitize my soul.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
