The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
