Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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