I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
