MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
