is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
