I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
