Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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