is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
