please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
