At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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