i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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