he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
