ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
