You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
