I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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