I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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