This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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