I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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