I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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