weddingsv make me drug and hornr
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
the raccoons are back...
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