I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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