Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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