its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
