weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
