your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
