Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize