Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
