Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
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