i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Drunk is a universal language darling
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
