Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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