I hate all girls vehemently.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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