what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
