could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
