mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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