Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
