You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
