Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
