maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
