eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
