She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
