I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
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