you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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