He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
