First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
