he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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