Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
