doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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