Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
