apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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