sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
