If that was your dad, he is hot
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
