He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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