That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
