mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
