aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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