i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
