i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
