I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
