So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize