I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
