last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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